The picture is not the real thing
On optical illusion and the side effects of loving how you look in pictures, but not in real life.
Optical illusion; a visual stimuli that is perceived by the eyes and then comprehended by the brain in a way that is different from reality.
Trigger Warning ⚠️( Visual sensitivity) The image below contains a visual optical illusion that may cause discomfort or dizziness for those with photosensitive epilepsy or visual sensitivities. Please view with care.
I met a woman once through a friend of a friend. I’m usually weary meeting friends of friends because although I’m open, I’m particular. I can read a facade like a compass reads directions. The minute I decide someone isn’t the cup of tea I want to sip, I disengage. I just can’t help it. The three of us ended up hitting it off for the time we spent together. To no surprise, the woman was kind and sensitive. Her personality was vivacious. We exchanged social medias and decided to stay in touch once the trip was over.
The days following, I got a notification that I was tagged in a group picture from the woman. My mouth dropped and I immediately felt uncomfortable. I thought my eyes were betraying me. I went to her profile only to find a collection of photos that had been edited so heavily that she didn’t look like a real person. As for the picture I was tagged in, It was horrible. In comparison to the facial transformation she had given herself, she had lightly edited the face of myself and our mutual which only made it look more foolish. She looked photoshopped into the picture. Oh and funny thing is, the original was buried since it was captured on her phone. In that moment, I was conflicted because I enjoyed her as a person. To me, she was beautiful but I wasn’t her. Her perception of how she looked was much more important than what I thought. I didn’t know how I could possibly cultivate a friendship with this woman without asking why. I couldn’t see myself allowing every future picture we would take to turn into whatever that was because I couldn’t condone in the excessive editing. I wondered just how many people in her life did. Above all else, who was I that she would owe me an explanation? We had only just met and I had a history of the truth landing as a weapon, back firing in my face, in times I thought it would be a bridge to a stronger bond. You can imagine how that goes. I don’t know what she’s been through in her life or what she’s facing internally. If she was fine with it, then I decided that it wasn’t my business. It wasn’t my battle to fight. From that point on, I disengaged.
I don’t write this from a place of harsh judgement but from a place of discernment. This isn’t to say that I have never used filters or had pictures edited in my life because I have. I’ll show you. Keep reading. There’s a thin line between occasional use and habitual dependence. There is a difference between editing for play and editing to patch a wound.
When I was a teenager, I remember hating my nose. It’s big. My nostril are uneven with one nostril being wider than the other. I literally inherited one nostril shaped like my mothers and one shaped like my fathers.
Of course, I learned this by analyzing myself in pictures. If I faced the camera directly I would be confronted with the big nose, it was so unappealing. My favorite profile was the side profile because my nose would look slimmer. When I would watch videos of myself speaking, It would flare in and out, changing shape the more passionately I spoke. I don’t know when I started to be okay with my nose. I haven’t had that thought in years. Changing it would be a disservice to my facial anatomy. It’s mine, and I’m sticking beside it.
Back in 2017 I used to model and as beautiful as the edits were, they were not always a true representation of my face. I quickly realized that. Modeling eventually became a crushed dream for other reasons but I felt like it taught me to not get so caught up in optical illusion.
Do I photograph well? Yes but a while ago I decided that the picture is not the real thing. There have been moments where I have felt breathtakingly beautiful and I have also felt ugly all because of a picture. It’s the way my torso is short and the angle made me look like I had no waist. It’s because I had boob spillage so I looked more top heavy than I was. It’s because the close up made my nostrils the star of the show. Whatever the targeted flaw was at the time, I have felt it. Even now, I know I’m not the beauty standard but I’ve come to my own understanding that If I’m asking for a photo to be taken it’s because I already decided that I’m beautiful and I want to capture it, not because I need the photo to convince me that I’m beautiful.
Quite frankly, I am beautiful because It’s my conviction.
I’m not demonizing the social media aesthetics, the filters, the angles, the curated visuals but be careful. Don’t become so disembodied that you chase an image of yourself that you don’t feel you have access to in real life.
Don’t be so caught up in your own distorted internal perception that convince you that you look like something you do not. Don’t be unrecognizable because if I see you in person and you look nothing like your photos I’m not talking to you.
Lmao I’m just playing….but am I really?
Just remember, the picture is not the real thing, you are.
With love & freedom,
Tiana
